Jenny's Library

Why I’m Not “Good People”

Posted on: March 15, 2015

I’m not a nice person.

I’m not a good person.

I’m not a kind person.

This isn’t to say that I don’t ever try to be any of these three things.  I do, especially the last two.

It’s more to say that, for me, surviving in this cissexist, racist, ableist, heteronormative, classist, often fucked up world of ours has involved rejecting the idea that “good” and “bad” are static states of being.  I will never be a “good person” because, to me, “good” is not something that you achieve.  It’s an ongoing process that never ends.

It is, in fact, almost impossible not to be doing bad things as well as good when you are human and therefore flawed.  Especially when you are part of a messed up system, as we all are.

This, to me, is why it’s important to call out bad behavior, or hurtful language, or even ways of framing the world that make it easier to ignore harm that is being done to others.

Not because people deserve to be shamed or judged or called out, but because we are all fish who sometimes forget that the water is there, and part of helping each other do better involves pointing out when we didn’t do as well as we could have.

Since the world is complex (and not just in bad ways), the fact that we have the same goals doesn’t mean that we will always agree.  It may not always be possible to determine who was “right” and who was wrong about the choices people make or the words they use.

But this is where my librarian training kicks in and points out that more speech is better than less.  That it’s better to let people know what it is that you think they could have done better, so that they can decide for themselves if they want to change or not, rather than never giving them that option.  It’s also important to be specific about it, so that no one is left second guessing everything they do and say.

To me, it’s a sign of trust, to tell someone when what they did or said hurt you.  That’s not a thing you tell people when you think they won’t care.  Or worse, will use it to hurt you more.

When I tell people that what they said was sexist, or racist, or otherwise hurtful, I don’t do it because I want to hurt them. I don’t do it because I think they are bad people.  I don’t do it because I think they are irredeemably sexist, while I’m a perfect feminist, a model for everyone to follow.  I’m not specific about what they did wrong simply because I want to nitpick, I promise you that I have better things to do with my time.

I do it because this is what I truly believe, and because I have faith in their ability and willingness to do good things.  And most of all because I have faith that they will respect my opinion even if they disagree with it.

So I want to ask everyone out there who is asking all us to “keep YA kind” to remember that, while criticism is hard to take, criticism is not lack of kindness.  It’s often a measure of trust.

Everyone has flaws, everyone messes up.  That includes you, that includes me.  That includes the author you admire, the friend that has always been there for you, the teacher that inspired generations.

That someone is “good people” should never be an excuse for not listening, or used to admonish others for speaking.  Because “good” is something that you make the decision to do every second of every day, not something that you acquire and then use as a shield.

I have so much more to say on so many things that has happened this past week.  And so many links to smart women who you should really listen to more than me.  Hopefully I’ll even manage to make some link lists and get those words out and onto paper – er, pixels.  But I wanted to start with that, because I think it’s the most fundamental.

If you don’t trust that I am trying to do good as well, that my anger is a sign of hurt and not hate, that the opinions I express are genuine and not merely performative, that I am in fact trying to be kind to a great number of people, even when you disagree with me, even when I say things that hurt you or your friends or make you uncomfortable, then this conversation is never going to go anywhere.

Instead, “kindness” will once again become a way to reinforce the status quo, rather than a call to be more compassionate and empathetic.

Instead both “kind” and “good” will be used to avoid examining the problems we most certainly have, a way to once again NOT have the hard and complicated and uncomfortable conversations that are long overdue.

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259 Responses to "Why I’m Not “Good People”"

[…] Why I’m Not “Good People”. (via @hawkwing_lb) […]

If you find a nice person run a mile. Do not make them your friends. Because when things are going wrong for you, you need someone who will stick by you when things are bad. Doing that is not nice.

Nice is overrated.

Totally agree @balaam nice doesn’t cut it. Nice simply says I’m here when it’s ok but I’m out when it’s rough.

That’s not actually true. I’m nice to people, to everyone I meet really, but I’m also there for people. I don’t bail the first chance I get. I find a solution and help people. But I guess that’s just me.

BEAUTIFULLY SAID! I’ve never been able to articulate this when the people I call out for their racist beliefs turn on me and accuse me of judging them and being unforgiving. Thank you so much!

Reblogged this on JETTE and commented:
Yes! All of this!!!

Reblogged this on hype on caffeine.

Hi, there. It was interesting to read my thoughts on someone else’s blog today, as I’ve been struggling with this very topic this week. Say something or don’t say something. I’ve kept my mouth shut because I felt I would be “stooping to their level”, in a manner of speaking, by calling them out on hurtful behavior. That by pointing out the mean or racist or judgmental things they’ve said to me, or what I’ve head them say about someone else, would just be “mean” of me to do. That I am then not being a “good” person by making someone else feel bad. When I’m just interested in letting them know of their words effect, and trying to introduce a different point of view. Any suggestions on how I can get over that?? Congrats on the FP!

thank you and yikes! I dunno that I’m the best person to ask for advice from, but I’ll try:

Regarding not wanting to be mean – or perceived as such – when pointing out mean things that other people have done or said, I’d like to paraphrase Captain Awkward and point out that they are the ones that have brought rudeness into that space, not you. Pointing out their rudeness, for the purpose of asking them to stop, does not increase the rudeness quotient in that space. It just makes it everyone’s problem to address instead of a problem that only some people have to be silently burdened with.

Of course, some ways of pointing this out can be more productive and less drama inducing than others. But that’s not quite the same thing as being nice or kind or polite. In fact, part of what makes these conversations so hard is that it’s pretty much impolite by definition to point out the flaws in the status quo. Manners and norms are set by the privileged, and challenging a hierarchy will always be perceived as bad manners and disruptive by those invested in that hierarchy,

Also, people feeling bad because of something you said does not automatically indicate that you are being mean. Feeling shame when we mess up is a positive sign of having a conscious, and it’s often a necessary and unavoidable step on the road to making better choices. This is just a thing that what happen sometimes in these conversations.

This is part of why it’s important to call out people’s actions rather than saying anything about them as a person. (Definitely watch Jay Smooth’s video on the topic, if you haven’t already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Ti-gkJiXc) By keeping the focus on what they did and not who they are, you not only cut off a common derailing tactic, you also give them room to grow and do better next time. Which allows them to deal with those feelings of shame in a non-destructive manner.

Well damn…managed to turn a ” I’ll try” into a piece of great advice and music to the non-conformist ear all at once…bravo indeed…

“By keeping the focus on what they did and not who they are”. You are absolutely right. I will remember that. But isn’t it sad that when you try to have a discussion with someone nowadays, perhaps by saying something like “That’s a common misconception, but have you tried looking at it like….” it is automatically perceived that you are “attacking” that person, or “trying to start something” when all you were trying to do is give a different perspective or disagree with their comment/actions in a nice way, in a way that may actually help them see things differently? I get that a lot, even when I’m trying to correct my teens, no matter how rational and kind I am about it, the response is always anger and defensiveness. It seems, in today’s society, if you don’t agree with a certain point of view, you are automatically seen as hostile, and their first reaction is always defensiveness. I wonder why we can’t just accept kind criticisms any more…and learn from people’s different viewpoints.

I am the type who avoid confrontations and it’s just my nature but there are moments when I have to say something because I care for that person. The advice on calling out action is a great one. Choosing the time to criticize is important too; the defensive wall comes down a little if you are not around people. Starting with “may I offer an advice that could help you with …” Lastly, telling yourself that this was necessary to help the other person makes you comfortable no matter what the outcome turns out to be.

Reblogged on hypeoncaffeine

Reblogged this on nyjamz.

Reblogged this on ayoray and commented:
The notions behind being good and bad…

This is how many more should think. Say what is actually on your mind. It is hard to recognize your own flaws. So hearing it from someone else (preferably someone close). You can take a step back and realize what needs to change. Or that you have been an ass.

Reblogged this on ruthlesstalks and commented:
Well written & gets too the point.

I must admit I’ve been guilt of using “good” and “bad” too justify judging or hurting others. But you’re right, being good is a choice that is made every day, not an armor we acquire and act however we want.

Thank you everyone, for all the reblogs and follows and compliments. 🙂

Very well said and I so agree. It all comes down to mind over matter and whats right is right and whats wrong is truly wrong. Positive energy creates more positive energy

👏👏

I think HOW you say it is important. Talking about ” What you just said could sound racist because. ..I know you are not. ” etc. Opening a discussion . Making it NOT about criticism of the person, just the statement. Not shaming or blaming. Just making a point of impression and opinions. Like you do with children. “When you do this it makes me feel like I need to do things by myself. I’d appreciate some support ” Rather then “You are so selfish and never help me”. How you say things is important.

How you say things _is_ important – but I think it’s rarely useful to start such conversations with “I know you aren’t racist/sexist/etc., but…” In my experience, it’s best to not even go there. And, if _they_ go there, redirect the conversation back to actions and not what they are. Talk about how you aren’t saying they are a bad person if you must. But for me, it doesn’t make any more sense to say they are a good person than it does to say they are a bad person. Who am I to judge their intentions or their life’s work?

That is not what I meant. My comment was more about no judgement of the person, good or bad, but concentrating on the activity or what they said. “This comment sounds a bit prejudicial….what did you mean?”
But I agree that it is hard.

I love this. Thanks for sharing!

Nicely written post. A good read!

Reblogged this on Red Dust Warrior and commented:
Words are the best way to communicate with each other to benefit and improve society and each other.

Words sometimes hit harder than fists. It isn’t about being a good or bad person as much as it is about perspective.

Agree on speaking out ones mind totally. But my experience with this has been unpleasant to say the least. I am now careful with my words and try to put it logically , works sometimes. With some , I dont even try. If we care for someone , then we must speak our mind and be ready to take it positively if it comes from someone we care and are cared for. The rest can BE !

#Loved

This post speaks to me so much, thank you

[…] & sad & angry. Several friends have written good responses, including Jenny’s “Why I’m Not ‘Good People’” and Brandy’s “Twitter Turf Wars and Blocking of Criticism”. I also […]

Reblogged this on Storytelling And More… and commented:
Could not have put it better. I think that more and more people should be courageous enough to speak their mind, and the collectively we become more liberal, empathetic and accepting of other people’s point of view.

And if somebody near to us points something out, we must consider her point of view and then after much thinking put our own ideas or defense across.

“Because ‘good’ is something that you make the decision to do every second of every day, not something that you acquire and then use as a shield.”
Very well said! I think that taking criticism and using it constructively is possibly one of the most difficult things a person can learn. Myself included. And the Internet is the place where people go to be defensive and oftentimes cruel when confronted about their misgivings. But I agree–it’s important to talk about sexism, racism, classism, etc with those who are displaying it even if the conversation falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it doesn’t fall on deaf ears, and it makes all those difficult conversations worth it.

This is beautifully crafted – your language is compelling. You might want to consider writing more posts like this! 😉

I loved this article and would like to nominate you for the Liebster Award. I’ve added a link to your blog on mine. Hope that’s ok!

Reblogged this on artesiasthoughts.

Very well said Jenny. I think you hit the nail on the head with your opening lines: I am not a nice, good, kind person. I wrote something similar to this on one of my blogs earlier this week. Unless we come face to face with our own personal level of badness we will not have the humility needed to correct others. Of course sometimes, no matter how much grace you have, some will be so blinded to their lack of goodness they will see your correction as meaningless and hatred. I enjoyed the read.

When we call our a racism or sexism in someone it gives them an opportunity to learn and change if its an unconscious trait…if it’s an conscious choice then we can change our company…Good post!

Perfect!!! I say this all of the time (in my own words) and I agree. We are all good. We are all bad. We are all human. And we all struggle and are works in progress.

Reblogged this on 10-12 insights… and commented:
Here is a great post I found from Jenny’s Library. I agree that cautious pleasantries are a waste of time. I will expand on this theme in a later blog.

Very well said! I really enjoyed reason that.

I absolutely adore your honesty! Those are some days I’m so fustrated with people, including my friends and family, for such ignorance and horrible comments. And I agree 100% when you p

Point out what hurts your feelings. Sorry, for the gap, I don’t know how that happened.

Thanks very much for a great post. The concept of using our goodness as people as a shield really hit hard. I think I am largely a good person, given to compassion and open to the ideas of others but that makes a poor shield. I am also given to anger when it comes to the inconsiderate behavior of others, especially when it affects me. Former senator Bob Kerrey once said “We are not defined by the worst thing we have ever done”. This statement reminds me how little I know of the ones around me and how much I still have to learn about myself. Thanks again.

Oh Jenny I SO relate to all this! You could be telling my story! To err is human and all that… Thanks for posting

Learning to remove ones bias on the subjective nature if truth and reality is very important, key to growing up. I especially like your bit about the conversing more. As someone who never wants to cease having stimulating conversation I respect it. Our social life must exist in realtime more so than the internet.

Reblogged this on The Littlest Anchor.

Reblogged this on Silence.

So true and nicely planned out:) It’s dangerous to keep to yourself instead of letting it out.

Reblogged this on Patrick L. C. and commented:
The image of being a “good” person is not possible. The system we are living in is not viable for that.

THANK ya so much… every lines here described what generally we do.. and You just made it very easy and showed me a path where I shud move on and how it shud be. I can proudly say too that”yes m not a nice person with the reason” thankyou once again.. yes m nt bad too😃

Beautifully written.. Well said, great choice of words

I read an article on “psychology today” that underline that our “culture of happiness” might go a bit far. We need to feel anger, irritation and generally be honest with our “darker” sides. I am always more worried if someone is “too good to be true” and I think it must be hard to always pretend and defend against natural feelings that we all have. To be the person you want to be, you have to know yourself, and that means realizing that we can`t be kind or empathetic at all times!

I love this I been going through very similar thoughts. I resonate with your beliefs. My favorite “I do it because this is what I truly believe, and because I have faith in their ability and willingness to do good things. And most of all because I have faith that they will respect my opinion even if they disagree with it.”

Reblogged this on sheillaolga and commented:
I enjoy your two sides of the story

Reblogged this on yogimisbahudin and commented:
#recommended #repost

I appreciate your MO. I love it, in fact. More people should be like you…caring about how people act. I think there are far too many people in the world who need to be called out for their behavior…those who seem to think that they can throw their weight around or their balls in other’s faces and it will be just fine, or that human behavior doesn’t make any difference.

Excellent read!

So true, i have always been trying to be kind to everyone, but other people still perceived me as mean.

Reblogged this on and commented:
This is so good, nothing shiny or unnecessary to bloat their own ego, just what needed to be said, and will resonate to almost everyone that will read it while still being subjective and unforgiving in how she thinks.

This is brilliant. People need to read this. Print it out. Frame it. Place it on their bedside table as a reminder to avoid hearing phrases like “why didn’t you say so?”… 🙂

“good” is not something that you achieve. It’s an ongoing process that never ends.

can’t agree more.

I didn’t know where this was going, but I ended up nodding my head in total agreement. I can relate to this. I’m glad I read this today.

Hey there 🙂 i do agree with you and like your story. I do feel hard in life too. Life doesn’t roll well as I always expected or even become worse.
But One day all of sudden I realized I don’t have to be really good person. Also, there is a paragraph in Bible about one should take care of his or her self. This doesn’t mean being selfish, but take your time to relive stress. Don’t push yourself about being too good for others.
I hope my opinion about your article helped you little!

Reblogged this on simplytiff331 and commented:
Interestingly truthful and thougtful piece. Loved this!

I am glad at least for now I feel free to have my own opinion because I feel that most times it better to say less and just be more good with others. I love hearing different opinions and thoughts. Uniqueness is a blessing.

Kimshay….if indonesian people thinking like you maybe we are tobe a success democration nation.

Reblogged this on VII..

Nice one

Reblogged this on butterflyfictionwriters and commented:
Hello!
Permission to reblog

Hello
Permission to reblog
I just started word press yesterday

So beautifully said! Well worth the read!

That was a very interesting read, and you’ve perfectly managed to articulate the random streams of thought floating around in my head. Cheers!

This is a well written article. It was said in a blunt way. I’d rather have someone be honest with me then to allow me to think otherwise. I commend you for writing this. Not to many people can handle it though, they start to cry. Then they want apologies for the truth. This world has became so lazy, so sissified, and worst off can’t take the truth

Reblogged this on wezzie1975313's Blog and commented:
Read it….. I thought it was well wrote and worth my time of reading

I love this article so much. Me and my friends constantly discuss standards and the “good person ” standard comes up often. I hate when people have high expectations for me and how I choose to react to them.

Well said and an an interesting way to articulate the fact that we are all always works in progress. There will always be those that decide they are “good” or “nice” based on past behaviors and forget that these are daily aspirations and some days people fail.

A really Good and interesting read .
There is always a philosiphical way to find out things.
Philosphy leads to finding certain things with in ourselves or others which nobody else can discover.

Reblogged this on Mommy & Weed and commented:
I absolutely had to reblog this. I think this is just great food for thought and it’s beautifully written. Post your thoughts below and show Jenny love!

very very very well said!! would you mind checking out my blog? the link is: itssimplyellie@wordpress.com

I confess that I sometimes wonder if I’m “missing a chip,” but I really believe that instead of being defective in that way, I’ve always said what I really think. I may need to work on the ways that I describe what I think. But the biggest difference between me and people who either disagree with me or misunderstand me, is that I’m always willing to continue the conversation. Wait. I guess it never was a conversation then, was it? So maybe THAT’S the chip I’m missing: the one that should tell me that many people are certain they are right and that I should run away! Great post.

Well said! It took me back to one particular moment I had with a man who commented, “Good. She’s done with that n***** a*hole.” I responded with “There are plenty of a*holes out there. You don’t have to be black to be one” I wanted to add “, a*hole”. I didn’t, although it was true. I guess that was me being kind (?). ; )

This is so how I’ve felt for ages. Well said, Jenny

Great post, good point(s)! And I agree, you tell people that mean something to you!

well said..me too:)

I’ve seen “good” and “nice” meaning “conforms to gender roles and other oppressive/authoritarian crap”…..I was once told that I’m “too nice” to be a lesbian -_-

Reblogged this on Queen-V.

Reblogged this on How my heart speaks and commented:
Extract:To me, it’s a sign of trust, to tell someone when what they did or said hurt you. That’s not a thing you tell people when you think they won’t care. Or worse, will use it to hurt you more.

This is really good.

I think just the fact that you are trying to be a better person says something good about you.

Reblogged this on Sub-Efficient and commented:
This post really rung true to me. It’s always scary thinking about the outcome of actually telling someone they’re hurtful. Men should also take this to heart. I know it’s difficult with our machismo friends (especially), and sometimes difficult to word properly. But just like this post explains, they will never know what they did to hurt anyone, let alone do it again.

Such good words this early in the morning :’)

If you think that you’r not a good person or not a kind person I think

You are in process to be a goob person.

Interesting post!

I love this! Thanks.

Reblogged this on daniyar13 and commented:
lots of things to think about..thank you very much!

Loved the line where you wrote “I do it because this is what I truly believe, and because I have faith in their ability and willingness to do good things.”

Lot of times we have this in mind while criticizing but we do not communicate the same. I guess people need to say this explicitly in their own way depending upon whom they are speaking to. Having said that, if we start understanding this we can be a lot good in taking criticisms in a positive manner, even if it is not intended.

An awesomely written post!

Very nice. Being true to self is often difficult, especially for women of a certain age who were brought up in the South.

Reblogged this on titiloureiro and commented:
I love this, it is so me. This is me.

Reblogged this on mayflowerblue and commented:
I absolutely love this. Give it a read folks.

I definitely agree with much of what you write. My caveat (for me personally) is that I need to be mindful that my criticism is not reactionary or defensive. (which for me, usually means waiting a bit before dishing it out.) If it’s reactionary, who/what is it really serving?

Very interesting topic, I would have to say. “Good vs Bad” isn’t easy to navigate and yes we are humans and we do bad, but we also try to balance with good. Sometimes people don’t realize their “good/bad” behavior, words, & or actions can result in positive/negative effect on someone else. Once again because we are just human beings.

Though with the time, the definition and perspective have changed to define what is good vs bad.

Nowadays what I see is the norm of society just following their desires/so called role models regardless of good/bad and not questioning their conscience. To me that is disgusting, because people sail the way the wind is blowing and not caring what the other person or people of minority are feeling like.

That’s just disgusting, in my opinion!

Reblogged this on Odyssey of a Novice Writer and commented:
Yes! Love this. Do you ever call folks on their wrong behavior? Was your intent good in doing so? Have you ever been abashed to realize your own behavior was less than honorable – and did you make amends? Any thoughts on this blogger’s compelling post?

Great, thought-compelling post. I took the liberty of sharing it with my followers.

It takes courage to speak your mind. Personally I am tired of hearing people say “I’d rather just stay out of it,” or “I’m non-confrontational.” People need to get out of this “I don’t want to hurt your feelings” mindset and tell the truth. The people that can take that truth, or that opinion, and manage it, and work with it, are the people mature and wise enough to keep around. Because when you need the truth said to you, they won’t hesitate to return the favor.

Interesting treatment of a complicated, oftentimes delicate subject. I like your spin. 🙂

Reblogged this on .

Reblogged this on mondozeitgeist and commented:
And This is Called… #Excellence!!! Bravo, Bravo, Namaste. 🙂

Yes. To so much of this.

“I do it because this is what I truly believe, and because I have faith in their ability and willingness to do good things.” This makes me believe that there’s hope outside of my comfort space of living.
Thanks for share! Namaste.

Perfectly written criticism-
How do you do it? Be hurt and not hate. You must be a noble person, gentle, with empathy. If your life was threatened? – would you some way be able to have empathy with that person? “That’s Wrong” would be my first thought.
Once, an insane Police Officer with illegal imagination and incorrect information, tried to get a “response”. when he stopped me. (there was a twig in my truck, exactly 1/2 inch by 3/4 inch. a window parting stop) The first words out of his mouth “Where you from Boy?” Yeah, “That’s Wrong”

Very well put. My favorite part is criticism is not a lack of kindness, you are so right.

totally agree with you that ‘It’s an ongoing process that never ends’. there is an old chinese saying – living is a life-long lesson that you learn something new everyday, good or bad.
I have been asking my friends to be honest with me about my bad habits, and I am truly grateful that they really do!

I love this piece. I find it so hard sometimes to decide which way I want to react. I know this might not sound exactly right, but I have always said I am rasict. I hate everyone equally. Each person has their flaws and their good attributes, but each and every person can and will be pushed to a limit they never thought possible. Great writing.

WOW! something everyone must read!

Reblogged this on Geovary and commented:
This is awesome!

This is a great read. Really impacts such a relevancy on life. Great job.

“Because ‘good’ is something that you make the decision to do every second of every day, not something that you acquire and then use as a shield.”

Reblogged this on Clusterthoughts and commented:
Because “good” is something that you make the decision to do every second of every day, not something that you acquire and then use as a shield.

Reblogged this on HayatLoubna and commented:
👏👏

Eloquent post. Cannot agree more. We need to define what ” a sincere person” means to us. We might be surprised that “sincere” is a very fluid notion, and most of the time does not apply to ourselves. Polite but not honest?

Nice.. Sometime I think about it. Oh good why I m not good enough? Why I cant do whatever I want to? And why its not enough?

Many are so deeply conditioned and patterned and simultaneously desensitized to the feelings of others and their own emotions yet overly sensitive to what anyone else has to say that they cannot see what they are doing and the nature of their thoughts, emotions, actions and behavioral routines – they are more like organic machines carrying out the programming, or meat puppets pulled by the strings of ancient baboon hands reaching through evolutionary timescapes. They become very disorientated when you start talking to them sincerely heart to heart – what they are doing. It is never easy. They prefer the other version of reality and truth and so the only way to maintain and sustain the illusion is to tear down those anomalies that ‘threaten’ them. Then you see their true colors. Hidden behind a ‘con-genial’ persona, repressed behind layers of emotions and memories – they burst forth in all their hideous horrendous glory, erupting molten madness. I have seen the eye of the beast and it is very scary! Proceed deeper with caution…

Reblogged this on I12BF3.

Reblogged this on sabscatz and commented:
Once in awhile, you chance upon bloggers that articulate words & feelings that just could not sit well within you, and they pour their(/your) thoughts out so beautifully you’re spell-bound. This was one of those moments.

Reblogged this on ejtj97.

Thank you for this blog, everything you said was right on. Perhaps being a bit more open minded by listening “actually listening” to the criticism and not so quick to attack or be on the defensive. Then will change take place. It takes accountability and some courage. Like you said, nobody is perfect, we are all born flawed. Great post! Thank you so much for getting this word out!!! Everybody needs to read this!

Informasi anda sangan bermanfaat sir

Terima kasih

Reblogged this on jcosa.

hmm. an interesting perspective.

Reblogged this on Kastil Angsa'08 and commented:
This’s what i mean. By reading this, seems like speak on myself…

Amazing, well said!! Feel free to follow me I am a new blogger 🙂

I think this is phenomenal, I myself agree with many of your points and find it a challenge when people see my honesty and my raw emotions as a form of hatred or lack of kindness. I do think it is a matter of maturity and a sense of growth, when you stop taking people’s criticism as a “jab” and start looking at it as something you can grow from. Those that do get defensive and miss the point of reason, are not yet happy with themselves, and in due time they realize that such honesty comes solely from a positive place.

I’m thankful that I read your blog..something to learn, for me and for my children. Cheers!

Ain’t that the truth!

[…] pay those bloggers a visit and check out other posts on their blogs as well. It is sure worth it. Jenny’s Library I guess everyone defines ‘good’ in the way it suits […]

Reblogged this on jadesblogger and commented:
I love the way jenny thinks, I’m glad someone sees things how I do, I have to say I wouldn’t of worded it as well as she did though lol.

Great post, to often I’ve been on the side of not wanting to offend. Some people are so attached to their way of thinking that any opposition instantaneously makes you the bad or good person. Most of the time in the background of our advice and or wisdom comes from our own experiences instead of the person we are interacting with. Which causes a bit of friction if we don’t necessarily agree and we immediately think who is this person to criticize me. I think we can learn from everyone, although we are human and have our many moments hopefully the intention is never to harm. We can all be good and bad and I totally agree with what you’ve said.

Excellently written. You do have a piece of wisdom here. I struggle so much sometimes to be good not to judge am doing what i can to be the best me and this post is something i wl consider as i do my daily introspection because i feel it is pointing me in the right direction of the kind of person i should be. Thanks.

enjoyed your article very much. the subject has been on my mind a lot lately.

I’m liking it

A treasure of insightful words!

Thanks!

Smalltalkwithalexandria.wordpress.com

Reblogged this on valp51.

Its so hard to be “good” sometimes, because we are so guarded. Usually when we are “good” we get taken advantage of. But if we aren’t trying to be “good” what are we trying to be?

Please check out my blog as well!

Reblogged this on The Me in Melissa and commented:
I think this is something everyone needs to read! Very well articulated and powerful

Reblogged this on V.

I’m just bitter. Once I figured that out, I felt free…to be bitter.

Reblogged this on chaosinnmymind.

Wonderful post! I can relate to it in so many ways!

Almost all of us at some point did not really care about the tone of our comments as long as we managed to shut someone up. 🙂 Sadly, in that moment, winning becomes more important. Also, I think in such a conversation just as important as the intent of the speaker is the listener’s emotional baggage. Even if said with the best of intentions, sometimes we could send someone’s defenses flying right up.
Great read!

Reblogged this on Sierra Lives and commented:
This is a great read!

Amazing, I love this.

No words
No paragraphs can describe how extraordinary it is. What you wrote was so true , it was ur story
Loved it 🙂

i can feel u in this post.

Reblogged this on Bambi's thoughts and commented:
Nicely said.

Wow! I mean this is so true, I think this is probably one of the things that will take me years to learn and to always remember, something to tattoo onto my heart!! I think it would mean so much for anyone to view my new page please.!😄

Reblogged this on denissetavarez's Blog and commented:
Totally agree.

Reblogged this on submurge into oblivion and commented:
Interesting

words simply cant describe they way u wrote it. u own it .agree with the whole thing totally .Best of all This part though
“Since the world is complex (and not just in bad ways), the fact that we have the same goals doesn’t mean that we will always agree. It may not always be possible to determine who was “right” and who was wrong about the choices people make or the words they use.”
Keep up always. stay blessed

Reblogged this on muhammadalimalik and commented:
simply great no words to descirbe its awesomeness.the girl own it the whole . give it a read . some great stuff

So true, some very impressive line you wrote their my friend,

this is so me. beautiful article

Reblogged this on emilygritz and commented:
Important, beautiful thoughts. Important truths.

Reblogged this on bead24.

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